Come into my life forever
by DemonButtercup
Summary: What happened to Shinji after he killed his angel? Sorta AU, shonen ai warning
1. My silent undoing

Come into my life, forever  
  
My second fic! Its longer than my other one, which im pleased with..but I didn't expect it to be THIS long! Again, if you don't like shonen ai don't read this, you wont like it. You've been warned. And Eva purists might not like it, the beginning (like the first couple of lines)is canon, but the reast is completely AU, it all come from my twisted mind. Sure it goes along the same lines (sort of), but in this one, Asuka doesn't wake up from her coma, and Rei doesn't merge with Lilith. Still interested? Read on dammit ^_^  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. None of it. I would like to own Kaworu, but it wont happen.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Chapter 1. My silent undoing.  
  
Today was the worst day of Shinji's life. You wouldn't have guessed it, since everyone else was clearly happy.  
  
"Congratulations son. I'm proud of you, for a second I didn't think you would do it. You've shown that you can overcome your fears." Shinji didn't even look at his father, he was looking past time.  
  
And surely, his glassy red eyes and tear stained face showed that he didn't want to be having this conversation either. Gendo Ikari, quite sure now that he wouldn't get a response from his son, turned and walked away.  
  
Whilst the world breathed a sigh of relied, Shinji breathed a sigh of despair. Nobody could see his problem. The 17th Angel had shown up, as expected. The final Angel. And of course, it had been up to Shinji to dispatch of him.  
  
But shouldn't it have mattered that the final Angel had been a human? A human Shinji had cared about? In fact, it had been the last person Shinji had wanted to kill. Kaworu had been the closest friend Shinji had ever hard. Despite the fact they had only known each other a few days, they felt like they had been friends for years.  
  
Shinji had started to feel like they were more than friends as well. That should have seemed strange to Shinji, but it wasn't. Maybe they were soul mates. Shinji hadn't wanted to kill him.  
  
He didn't think he'd ever forget the mental struggle he had fought when he was inside Unit 01's cockpit, holding Kaworu in his hand.  
  
A small part of him told him he knew what he had to do. It didn't really matter than Kaworu had been his friend, he was an Angel. And Shinji killed Angels. The majority of his mind screamed for him not to kill him. Surely there was some mistake. Kaworu was one of the kindest people Shinji had ever known. How could he been an Angel?  
  
And then there had been the voices. At one point Shinji had covered his ears in an attempt to block them out. His father's voice, low and commanding, repeating "He is the enemy. Kill him." While Shinji had screamed that he couldn't do it. While there was also Kaworu's calm voice telling him that if he didn't kill him, the whole human race would be destroyed, that humans and Angels couldn't exist together. Still, Shinji had screamed that he couldn't do it. He sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, tying to look at Kaworu through his tears. He looked at him. Taking in the fact he'd never see those fathomless red eyes again, never feel that soft white skin again. He'd never see Kaworu smile again, which was worse.  
  
Shinji felt that he should say something to Kaworu. Maybe something pathetic like "Everything will be ok." Even though they both knew that was a complete lie. He wanted to tell him that he loved him. Because he did. He didn't know how, or since when. He just knew. He went to say it, but the words died on his lips, and he ended up simply mouthing them silently.  
  
Yet, Shinji could have sworn that Kaworu heard him. In fact, he had been sure that he could see he right then, despite Shinji being hidden inside his Eva, Kaworu seemed to be looking hi straight in the eyes. Kaworu had heard Shinji. Kaworu gave him a sweet smile, and yet it was so sad. Then, Shinji had done what he'd been asked to do.  
  
Afterwards all Shinji could do was look straightforward. He couldn't look at the hand that had held Kaworu only moments ago. Because Kaworu wasn't there anymore. It was just a broken thing now. Like a limp unwanted doll. Shinji couldn't look down either. He knew he would see Kaworu's face smiling back at him. So he just stared forward, tears blinding him. He realised that fate hadnt taken his most precious thing away from him, he'd done it himself.  
  
And still Shinji stood there, wrapped up in memories, where his father had stood congratulating him a few minutes ago. Everyone was proud of him, he was ashamed of himself. He had let himself be used again, to do the thing he had regretted most.  
  
"I'm pathetic", he said aloud. His shoulders were shaking with the effort of trying not to cry again. He didn't know it but Misato had been watching him stand alone for a while. She slowly approached him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey Shinji" she started. Shinji simply stared up at her. "You know, I'm very proud of you as well. It must have been difficult."  
  
Shinji went back to staring into space. "You have no idea", he replied quietly. Misato, who didn't like seeing Shinji so upset, decided to pursue the matter, not knowing it was the last thing Shinji wanted to do. "Shinji, you know, Kaworu wasn't really human..", she didn't know where this was going, and she stopped altogether when she saw the sharp, accusing look Shinji was giving her,  
  
"Stop it", Shinji mumbled. "What was that Shinji??". Shinji shrugged and turned around, only to be greeted by the sight of his Eva. His heart missed a beat when he absently looked at it's left hand. Still soaked with blood.  
  
//Are they going to clear that off anytime soon?// Shinji thought to himself. //Where is Kaworu now?// Part of his mind asked. //You know where he is. He's at the bottom of the LCL// the other half of his mind replied.  
  
Shinji didn't know if but he had been mumbling part of this incoherently to himself. Misato shook him, bringing him out of his daze. "Shinji? Shinji? Are you ok?". Shinji stared at her. "I should visit Kaworu sometime shouldn't I? He must be so lonely, at the bottom of the LCL. Alone.""  
  
Shinji walked away, to the changing rooms to get out of his plugsuit. Misato was left staring after him, a perplexed look on her face. 


	2. The life you left behind

Chapter 2. The life you left behind  
  
That night, Shinji stood in the kitchen. Misato and Pen-Pen, sat side by side on the sofa drinking beer. Misato had slurred to Shinji to get her another beer, he had silent obliged. Instead here he was, standing looking at knives. He didn't feel like he had much to live for now, anyway. All the Angels were dead, so he wasn't going to be needed as a pilot anymore. He didn't have anyone to call a friend anymore, Kaworu was dead, Toji was blanking him (which was understandable). Rei.wasn't really Rei anymore, Asuka was still dead to the world. Shinji didn't even have Kensuke and Hikari anymore, they had stopped talking to him after what he did to Toji.  
  
The only one who cared anymore was Misato.. and now he was being so indifferent to her...he wondered how long it would be before she gave up on him as well. He felt he didn't deserve life. Suicide seemed pretty farfetched, Shinji wasn't so gone that he couldn't not see that. But he was fed up, he wanted a way out. And anyway, if he did die, wouldn't he see Kaworu again?  
  
Shinji came back to reality. His mind told him he was going crazy, and he was in no place to disagree with that statement. Shinji quickly closed the drawer, grabbed a beer from the fridge, and headed back to the living room. He handed Misato her beer.  
  
"Awww yeah! Hey Shinji-kun, what took ya so long?" Misato asked. "Uh..nothing.", he replied, pretending to concentrate on the television. Shinji hated it when Misato was drunk, she never stopped talking, and right now Shinji wasn't in the mood for talking.  
  
"Hey Shinji, I realized something. Now that the Angels are all dead, you're a free man! We've soooo gotta have a party to celebrate! Right Pen-Pen??" Pen-Pen nodded in agreement. "who are you going to invite though Misato?" Shinji asked. Misato stopped smiling at that.  
  
"Good night." Shinji got up and went to his room. Leaving Misato and Pen- Pen with identical confused looks on their faces.  
  
Shinji lay in bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep, he expected that though. He had school the next day, did they really expect him to go? It didn't seem right. Sure, he would go if he had to, and maybe it would take his mind off things. He just didn't feel like he could face everyone there, least of all, Rei. It would be.strange.  
  
Still, he needed to get his mind off Kaworu. Else he'd go mad. He was a killer. He had killed a person. Kaworu actually hadn't done anything. In that case, then he was innocent. That made Shinji a worse person that he had previously imagined. If he did die..would Kaworu forgive him? Shinji stopped that train of thought. He turned over, sleep seemed a long way off. He felt tears stinging the corners of his eyes again, "I'm so sorry" he whispered. Could anyone believe that? It seemed like a killer would never be sorry enough.  
  
A killer.  
  
That thought followed him down when he finally found sleep.  
  
"Rise and shine Shinji!!!" Misato yelled into Shinji's room the next morning. Shinji groaned and stuck his head under the pillow. "you better get up, you have school today, and you don't want your breakfast getting cold!!" she said cheerfully as she walked back into the living room. Probably to make more coffee. //I know how he feels, I went through the same thing after Kaji's death. But, I just don't know how to react when he's like this..//  
  
Shinji slowly sat up in bed, he rubbed his eyes and already he could feel a black aura hanging over him. It was like a black raincloud, exclusively for him. //Probably has something to do with the dream// he absently though. Dream? Yes, he had a dream lastnight. He suspected his would, although he had hoped it would at least be something pleasant. But even that seemed like too much to ask for now.  
  
It had been a short dream, but it still left Shinji feeling uneasy. In his dream he had been down in Terminal Dogma., sitting close to the LCL. Shinji guessed the dream must have been influenced by his random though of Kaworu being lonely in the LCL, because the boy lay in front of him, but he was still alive. Shinji didn't ask questions-it was a dream, and dreams aren't meant to be logical.  
  
Kaworu looked different, there was blood on his cheeks, and when he opened his eyes to look up at Shinji, they were vacant. "Did you bring me back?" he asked softly. "Yes. I missed you." Shinji had replied. "I hate it here. Why did you bring me back? It didn't hurt on the other side." Kaworu stated accusingly. "I.I needed to know if you can forgive me. I cant live like this. Without knowing" Shinji had said. "Forgive you?" Kaworu almost laughed. "For killing me? Of course I can't forgive you. You are a killer, theres blood on your hands. Nobody can forgive a sin like that."  
  
"What??". Shinji felt his heart crumble inside. How was he meant to live now? He looked down at his hands. They were indeed covered in blood. Angel's blood. "But you.you forced me to do it!" Shinji practically yelled at the boy. Kaworu continued to stare up at him, his blank eyes seeing nothing. "I forced you to do nothing. You didn't have to do anything, it was of your own free will. Now, you have your answer, can I go back now? You can't even leave me alone in death can you?", Kaworu asked.  
  
Kaworu's eyes was practically unreadable, but Shinji could tell they held no word of a lie. It was true, Kaworu couldn't forgive him, and Kaworu hated him. "I'm.I'm sorry." Shinji stuttered in a lame attempt to make Kaworu change his mind. "No your not. You'll never be sorry." Shinji found it difficult to believe that somebody so sweet and beautiful in life could be so cruel like this now.  
  
Slowly the dream faded from Shinji's mind and he shuddered. Is that what it would be like? Suddenly those kitchen knives didn't seem so attractive. Shinji quickly grabbed his clothes off the floor from where he had dumped them the night before and quickly got dressed for school. He grabbed his bag and was out the front door before Misato could stop him from leaving without breakfast.  
  
To be continued (oooh!)  
  
------------------------------------------------------------ RAR! So hows it so far? I have to write the rest up on the computer.its taking longer than I though! I know its pretty slow moving (but then, so is everything I werite!), but it'll get better. I hope! R&R pleeeeease! 


	3. Lost friends

Here it is, the 3rd chapter! Thank you to the few who have already reviewed the first 2 chapters.you don't waste time do you?? Well, reviews are always welcome : ) shall we move on?  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------  
  
3. Lost friends  
  
At school, as Shinji had expected, nobody had really bothered to speak to him. Save for Rei, of course. There were students left who hadn't moved away because of the Angels, but the ones who remained scooted out of his general direction when he entered the classroom.  
  
Kensuke followed Hikari around now, since Toji was no longer at school, due to his injuries. Shinji felt sick with guilt whenever he thought of Toji. //Another life ruined because of me//, he thought.  
  
Hikari gave Shinji a nervous look before moving to the other side of the classroom, quickly followed by Kensuke. Shinji made his was to the empty seat next to Rei, there was nobody who would sit next to her either, given their own choice. She was staring out the window, as usual, but turned to look at hie when he sat down next to her.  
  
"Good morning Ikari" was all she said. And a quick "Hi Rei" was all Shinji could come up with. And all he got in return was a small nod of the head before she turned her attention back to the window. Rei Ayanami. She could hardly be called a friend now. Everytime they brought along a new clone of her, she was different somehow. This Rei was rather indifferent, even more than she had been when Shinji had first met her. Talking to her was like talking to a brick wall, so Shinji made do with just having her presence at company. She was truly a doll now, nothing more. And to be honest, Shinji was afraid of her. Shinji's mind was unstable enough without having to take in the concept of her clones. And the whole thing about her being his mother.//Stop it already!// Shinji told himself.  
  
At lunchtime it was the same situation. He sat at a table, completely alone. It reminded him of how it had been only a few months ago. He would have had Toji there, as well as Kensuke and Hikari..who both acted like he didn't exist now. Also, Asuka, and a happier Rei.where were they al now?  
  
So he sat alone, until Rei came along with her tray. "Ikari..." was all she said before she gave her meal her undivided attention. Shinji looked up at Rei several times during his lunch, each time her attention was elsewhere. It was as if she had forgotten he was there.  
  
//Is that how it is with everyone?// Shinji asked himself. //If I dead or disappeared would anyone even notice?//  
  
He felt as if an unbreakable wall had come down between him and the world. He was completely and utterly alone. Not long ago he could have reached out to anyone, had he not been so afraid. Now he couldn't do that, even if he wanted to.  
  
By the end of school Shinji felt even worse. He'd gone to school to take his mind off things, and all he'd done was succeed in realizing how isolated he really was. He had nobody. And the last place he wanted to be was at Misato's. he pulled out his hardly ever used mobile and called Misato at home.  
  
"Hi Misato". "What? Oh, hi Shinji. Whassup? You need a lift from school or something?" Misato sounded as though she had just been asleep until Shinji had woken her up. "No, no, its nothing like that. Its just.I'm staying over a friend's house tonight? So I guess I'll see you tomorrow afternoon." Shinji lied. "Whos? Kensuke's?", "Yeah, Kensuke's". Another lie. "ok, take care. Later." With that she hung up.  
  
Misato hadn't sounded bothered at all. She didn't even know that Kensuke was avoiding Shinji either. From school Shinji headed for the beach. Eventually he came upon the place where he and Kaworu had first met. The first thing he noticed was how different the place seemed without Kaworu. Kaworu's presence seemed to have made the place seem electric, almost alive. Not it was just a normal place, nothing special about it at all.  
  
//Wow, was that only 2 days ago? It seems like it was ages go. I guess so much has happened since then.//. It really did seem like a long time ago, the same way as it had felt like the two boys had known each other for years. Shinji sat down on the sand and stared out to sea.  
  
"I'm sorry Kaworu. I know now that I made a mistake. I only hope that if I see you again, you can forgive me." He felt a stray tear slip down his cheek, he wiped it away angrily. His eyes wondered and eventually came to rest on the piece of debris Kaworu had been sitting on when they first met. It was different. Puzzled, Shinji got up and walked towards it to get a better look.  
  
Indeed, only 2 days ago it had been a shapeless piece of debris. Now it was a statue. A ruined statue, of a broken Angel. It was headless, and only had one wing. Like the head, the wing had been broken off. It was so unexpected that when Shinji realized what it was, he nearly screamed. Shinji didn't know what to think. How did it get there? Who put it there? How could a piece of debris magically change shape and turn into a statue over night? It was too much of a coincidence, it must have had something to do with Kaworu.  
  
It depressed Shinji just to look at it. As though it was there to be noticed and yet Shinji was the only one who knew it existed. And to Shinji only would it have any significance. Maybe it was meant to be that way. Maybe it was there, only for Shinji to notice?  
  
As the sun quickly began to set, Shinji knew that he shouldn't stay any longer. He'd probably start crying again or something. He decided he would visit Asuka.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------  
  
Ok, so maybe the whole fic will be slow moving! But that's just how I write! I hate the way I write, a 12 year old could do better..and I dare to call myself an adult! Hahaha..some joke. I'm finding it difficult to write Shinji in any state of mind other that 'angsty'. Because that's the only mood he has! Its official.junior Ikari is teen king of angst. Bless! Anyway.pleeeeeeeease R&R!!!! 


	4. The spaces in between us

Chapter 4. The spaces in between us.  
  
When Shinji arrived at the Nerv's hospital, a nurse was taking Asuka's temperature. She smiled sympathetically at Shinji as she left the room, leaving Shinji alone with his sleeping friend. He sat down on the chair at Asuka's bedside. He gently brushed the lank bangs out of her eyes, for all the good it would do her. It was as though she was actually 'using' her eyes or anything.  
  
He sat back and looked at her face, she stared at the ceiling. No, she stared past the ceiling, she didn't see the ceiling at all. Her eyes were open, yet she was blind. Her vacant stare reminded him of Kaworu's eyes from his dream. It seemed everything reminded him of Kaworu now. It also seemed that Asuka was nearly as far away from him as Kaworu was. No, that wasn't right. As much as Shinji couldn't even admit it to himself, Kaworu was dead. Yet, Asuka was still alive. He couldn't let himself start thinking about her like she was dead as well.  
  
"Hey Asuka." he began. He knew she could hear him, wherever she was. And that was a small comfort to him. "It's me, Shinji. I know I haven't come by for a while. Hope you haven't been too lonely." It was pretty difficult to know what to say. Here was the girl who had refused to listen to anything Shinji had said when she was awake, and now she was listening. Yet, Shinji's mind was a blank. What was he meant to say?  
  
//Just tell her what's been happening// the saner part of his mind said. " I guess you'll wanna know what's been happening. Well, first of all, all the Angels have been destroyed." He felt sick saying that. "so when you wake up everything will be back to normal. Um..there was a 5th Child you know. He was brought in to replace you. You'll hate to hear this but he was the pilot of your Eva."  
  
Shinji hoped she would wake up at that. He had half expected her to jump up and yell that nobody could touch her Unit 02. But it didn't happen, she just continued to lay there.  
  
"I wish you'd wake up..i have nobody! I could really do with a friend right now. Kensuke and Hikari hate me because of the thing with Toji. Rei doesn't know I exist! And the 5th Child.he's gone as well." //Wow! I'm so self centered. I gave her all these reasons to wake up.and their all about my problems.// Shinji stood up then and picked up his bag.  
  
" Sorry Asuka. I just don't know what to do anymore. See you later." Shinji headed out through the door, not looking back.  
  
He didn't know where he was going. Anywhere but Misato's was his plan. It was dark when he arrived on the surface of Tokyo 3 again. The moon shone down on what was left of the obliterated city. Shinji just wandered for a while, until he eventually ended up at Kaworu's apartment. Some how, he had guessed this was where he would end up.  
  
Shinji tried the front door and was surprised to find it was unlocked. Had someone already been in after Kaworu's death? Had Kaworu even bothered to lock the door at all? Shinji couldn't remember. Maybe some one was in there. Shinji was as paranoid as hell, he knew he should have just turned round and went home to Misato's but he didn't. he quickly crept into the apartment, checking everywhere, making sure that there was nobody else there. When he was satisfied he closed the front door.  
  
He didn't know exactly what he would accomplish from being here, but he knew he just wouldn't be able to handle Misato right now. Shinji set his bag down in the doorway of Kaworu's bedroom and went in. it hadn't changed. Unlike what he had originally though, nobody had been here since Kaworu and himself. The bed hadn't been made, but it looked like it should be kept as it was anyway. Shinji smiled, it felt as though Kaworu was still there. He was pretty tired, and it was dark outside already, so he slipped his shoes off and climbed into the unmade bed. He wasn't sure if he planned to spend the night there or just rest a while, but sleep came to him quickly.  
  
When Shinji awoke, the first thing he noticed was that it was still dark outside. The moon shone through the window and onto his face, hurting his half open eyes. He guessed it was the light shining onto his face that had woken him. The next thing he noticed was there was somebody sitting on the bed. Instinctively he sat up quickly. Before his eyes could adjust he automatically thought that it was Misato. Then he remembered he wasn't at home. Shinji rubbed his eyes sleepily. When he looked again he saw it was Kaworu.  
  
Shinji's heart leapt into his throat, he was completely speechless. He just sat there staring at the boy. He looked completely normal. And alive. Except he appeared to be glowing quite ethereally. Shinji guessed it could have been a trick of the moonlight, but he wasn't sure.  
  
Slowly, Shinji's voice came back to him, "Kaworu.?", was all he could manage at first. The boy smiled back at him, the same smile he had given hi before he died. "Kaworu.I'm so sorry, I really am! You wouldn't believe how sorry!" Shinji babbled. Half of him dreaded this was a dream and this was the same cruel Angel from last time. The other half wanted to throw himself into Kaworu's arms and beg for forgiveness.  
  
But he could tell from looking into his eyes that it was the real Kaworu, and that it wasn't a dream at all. Finally, Shinji got his reply. "I know your sorry Shinji, but please, you don't have to keep tearing yourself up about what happened. It's in the past now, and you've done nothing wrong."  
  
It felt to Shinji as if a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders, his tears welled up again, and time it was happiness, not sadness that caused them. Shinji practically leapt into the other boy's arms, nearly knocking Kaworu off the side of the bed. Shinji's arms wrapped themselves round Kaworu's neck, his face buried in his shoulder. "I'm so glad" Shinji began. "I'm so happy you don't hate me. Can you forgive me? I wish I didn't do it. I regret it so much.you know what."  
  
The stunned Kaworu put his arms around Shinji and stroked his hair with one hand. "Of course I forgive you. Is there really anything to forgive? All you did was what I asked of you, and for that I am grateful. As for hating you, how could I? I love you Shinji."  
  
Shinji pulled away and looked Kaworu in the eye, his hands still on his shoulder. "I love you too." He sniffed. "I missed you, I was going crazy without you." Shinji said, before looking down in embarrassment. Kaworu held his face up with one hand under his chin, and used the other one to wipe Shinji's tear stained cheeks. "I can't stay Shinji. Not long. I cam back to tell you that answers to the questions you needed to ask so much. And to tell you that I'll be waiting for you, we'll see each other again."  
  
Shinji gave him a teary smile and returned to Kaworu's embrace. He rested his head on his shoulder, holding him tighter. He was just to precious to let go of.  
  
Kaworu began to speak again. "I know that you have been looking for a way out, I've seen how unhappy you've been. But you cannot go about it in that way. Suicide isn't a way out. If you ended your own life, you'd never see me again." On his shoulder Shinji opened his eyes. "What do you mean? Why not?" He asked urgently. "Because like is a gift, if you willingly throw it away like that, who knows where you'll end up?" Kaworu explained, stroking Shinji's hair again.  
  
"So its because it's a sin? But it could be years before I see you again!! I can't wait that long!" The tears returned, making Kaworu's shirt wet. "You'll have to wait Shinji, that's how life is. You need to sleep now." Kaworu said, extracting himself from Shinji's arms.  
  
Shinji reluctantly let go and got down beneath the covers again. Kaworu smiled down at him, before bending down to gently kiss Shinji on the lips. Shinji tensed up for a second before relaxing and returning the kiss. It didn't last long though, and Kaworu sat up again, as Shinji took hold of his pale hands in his own and smiled back at him. "I do love you. I don't care if you're an Angel or not. You're the only one who has ever cared for me. And you're the only ones I've ever truly cared about as well." Shinji told the Angel. "Well, I'm very honored to be that person. And I will wait for you. I'll see you again, I promise." Kaworu said seriously, wanting Shinji to truly believe him. "We'll be together then. It may be in 2 months or half a century, but it will happen."  
  
By now Shinji was falling asleep, but his lips still held a sleepy, happy smile. "I believe you.. good night koi." His words were the last thing he heard before he fell asleep.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------  
  
I'm actually kinda proud of that chapter! Sorry about the shamelessly dreadful fluff towards the end.I just couldn't resist! They're so kawaii and sweet when they're all huggy together.they should be like that more often! And I think I did quite well at writing Asuka. Too bad. I really hate that girl! I believe there are 2 more chapters after this..i will post them as soon as I have written them up on the computer ;) 


	5. The beginning of the end

Awww we're nearing the end now! The other chapter may take a while to put up because I'm thinking of changing it a little, as I'm not totally pleased with it. Also, it'll be kinda short but that's because I couldn't think or anything to write! I hope you don't/haven't lost faith in me, but I must warn you, this chapter is pretty dreadful! In fact, I don't like it at all, but I didn't know what else to write! Mainly because it has Mecha in it. Me and mecha battles don't mix. At all! This is evidence! Some of it is totally not like the series. BUT! This is an AU fic. Not only that, it is MY AU fic! So I can do whatever the hell I please right? Right. Last but not least, thank you to you lovely people who have reviewed. Much appreciated guys!  
  
Chibi Hentai Angel: hehe, the statue thing. It scares me! Its scary, and reminds me too much of a decapitated Kaworu. Poor little angel!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------  
  
5. The beginning of the end.  
  
Shinji was woken the next morning by the sun streaming onto his face through the window. When he sat up he was alone. Again. His minded drifted back to the night before. At first he thought it was a dream but he was pretty sure Kaworu had been there. In fact, he could still feel his presence. It had been so good to see him again. It was all Shinji needed, he was certain he would have gone mad if Kaworu had not came back to him. And to know Kaworu had forgiven him had made the black aura of his fade a little.  
  
Shinji didn't know exactly how he had returned. Had it been Kaworu's ghost? It seemed like the only explanation right now, but Shinji had felt him. It had been like he was alive. Maybe it had something to do with being an Angel? Maybe Angels could do that.  
  
It was comforting t know they'd be together again eventually. Shinji knew he couldn't help it, but he wasn't too happy with waiting so a long time to see him. But Kaworu had promised he'd wait for him, so at least Shinji knew it would happen. He wondered when exactly he'd see Kaworu again. For better or worse the time was closer to hand than Shinji could have guessed.  
  
Only a month later Shinji was back in his plugsuit, in the familiar cockpit of Unit 01. He hadnt counted on ever getting back inside the thing, now that the Angels were destroyed. Had the apocalypse finally begun? It if had, it wasn't as Gendo Ikari had hoped it would be.  
  
As Seele had sent their own white Eva's to Nerv, Gendo Ikari had sent his son and his doll out to battle the enemy Eva. He hated to make Rei go, she had another purpose, he knew. And he hadnt had enough time to fulfill that purpose. On the way to the hanger Shinji overheard something about the 'Dummy plug system'. Later he was told that was exactly what the Eva Unit 05's ran on. The term seemed familiar, he then remembered where he had heard of it before. It had something to do with them Rei clones. They were used as pilots for the dummy plug. Shinji shuddered when he remembered the tank full of Rei clones, all dead eyes and beaming smiles.  
  
//So, all these enemy Eva are piloted by Rei clones? I didn't know Seele had Rei clones. Maybe their different.// Shinji and Rei stood before Misato who had just finished briefing them. A lot of fake courage in her voice, anybody would have noticed it. "Well guys its up to you know, but I'm sure you'll do fine! Imagine how jealous Asuka will be when she wakes up only to find that she slept through the big battle! Do me proud today guys!" Misato cheered.  
  
"Yes Misato". All she got from Rei was a silent nod, before walking away to get into her entry plug. Shinji watched Rei, not surprised at all to see his father standing by her Eva, talking to her. As always, she showed a rare smile as she spoke to him. Shinji could feel that the battle wasn't going to be nice. They could both be severely hurt.and yet his father hadn't said a word to him. Shinji had stopped caring anyway.  
  
As he turned to go to his own Eva, Misato grabbed his wrist, bring his attention back to her. "Shinji.I know you'll do great today. I have faith in you". "Thanks Misato" was al Shinji said, he didn't know what else to say so he gave her a hopeful smile and headed for the entry plug.  
  
It wasn't long before Shinji and Rei were on the surface, there wasn't much to call a surface really. There wasn't much to see, after the incident with Rei dying, and the huge crater which the destroyed Eva 00 had made over the city. On the horizon Shinji could make out the fast approaching enemy Evas, they were massive, and had wings, which was hardly fair. Rei had already readied her gun and brought up her AT field and reminded Shinji to do the same. If Shinji could have ran away, he would have at the sight of the now uncomfortably close white Eva.  
  
They were huge, with no eyes, and their blood red mouths reminded Shinji of birds of pray. Or something far worse. They carried huge spears which they were attacking Unit 00 and Unit 01 with as soon as they were upon them. It became apparent only too quickly that they were outnumbered by a huge number. Still, they had try didn't they?  
  
It wasn't too difficult at first, to shoot at the flying Eva's wings until they came hurtling to the ground, and to crush them once they were tackled to the floor. Shinji had managed to destroy 2 Eva with his gun alone when he heard Rei screaming from her Eva. He turned to see a white Eva attacking Unit 00's back, biting at the neck, and trying to pull the back off, the part which covered the entry plug. "Rei!!!" Shinji shouted, he had to dodge a number of attacks to get to her.  
  
"Ahhhh! Help!" Rei shouted, she was having difficulty pulling the white Eva off her. "I'm coming Rei, hold on!" Shinji called back to her. He pulled out his progressive knife, and attacked the White Eva's back. At this it let go of Unit 00 and Shinji took the chance of pulling it off her completely and dragging it to the ground. Shinji repeatedly stabbed at the Eva's core, he thought it wouldn't die at all, but eventually it stopped moving. Rei was already up and fighting when Shinji got up.  
  
"You ok Rei?" "Yes. Thank you Ikari." Before Shinji could reply something crashed into the back of Unit 00's head. He yelled and turned to find a white Eva hovering low to the ground, trying to stab him with it's spear. Before it stabbed at him again, Shinji grabbed hold of its wings and brought it down with a crash onto its front. Shinji caught hold of it's spear when it let go of it, and attacked it's open back with it. Rei had given him an idea. If the pilots were clones, surely the Eva couldn't operate of the plug was removed. Right? Shinji pulled at the back until it broke and the entry plug came into view. He kept his Eva's knee in the white Eva's lower back to stop its attempts at getting up or struggling too much.  
  
Shinji pulled at the plug until it eventually came free, the thought of Toji came into his mind as he held the plug in his hand, about to crush it. He didn't feel as though he could do it. He just continued to hold it, staring at it. When his eyes actually focused on the writing on the side of the plug, he got a further shock. 'Kaworu'. "Huh?". Then it made sense to Shinji. Seele didn't use Rei clones, they used Kaworu clones. //Kaworu clones? So Kaworu.you will be the one to kill me after all.//  
  
The plug was crushed in unit 02's hand. Shinji knew he hadn't done it, the Eva had, he hadn't even felt his hand move. He had moved back too slowly obviously because he felt an Eva grab hold of the back of hid head and smash it into the ground. Shinji screamed and scrambled to get away, but the Eva's grip was too strong. //The clones.. //  
  
Was there a tank somewhere full of Kaworu clones? He couldn't imagine them all smiling like the Rei clones though. He thought that they'd look like the Kaworu in his dreams. Dead eyed and betrayed looking. Could he kill anymore, now that he knew who was inside the Eva's?  
  
He felt something pierce the armour on his side, it felt like a spear. He was pretty sure that's what it was as well. He screamed again, feeling the blood trickling down the side of his face, from his head. "Rei! Little help here!" but Rei didn't reply. Where was she? Shinji tried to get up again but his Eva's head was smashed into the ground again. Shinji's vision went gray, fuzzy, then red as more blood poured into his eyes.  
  
Misato's voice came through the intercom, fuzzy to Shinji's failed hearing. "Shinji-kun? Shinji! Get up! Please." it was all Shinji heard before everything went black.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------  
  
Ohhh! What happened to Shinji? Well, I'm sure you have a pretty good idea. Please don't throw stuff at me! I know it wasn't very good, and again I apologize for the awful battle, but like I said earlier I'm no good at that stuff! Damn them Eva are mean. But of course, the Kaworu clones rock! Heeee. Well please R&R if you want. The final chapter will be up soon ;) 


	6. On the other side

I'm sure you all weren't too worried about it anyway, but I'm sorry that this chapter took a while to put up. Art seems to get in the way of everything! Thank you to everyone, who reviewed, I didn't expect anyone to at all, so it was nice. Especially to Shella, your criticisms have been noted ;). I hate my writing style anyway, but at least I try! And I know the last chapter was pretty dreadful! I hope to make this one not so bad. 'Hope' being the operative word in that sentence!  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------  
  
Chapter 6. On the other side.  
  
Death. For Shinji, everything he had heard about had been a lie. His life hadn't flashed before his eyes, and he hadn't found himself standing before the gates of Heaven. Looking back on it, it seemed more like sleeping rather than something as ultimate as death.  
  
His 'sleep' had only been interrupted by a feeling of weightlessness. Floating, as if he was being carried to some other place. And he had felt someone else with him. It had felt so much like when he had felt his mother inside his Eva. That time he had been trapped inside the Angel. That time he had felt like she was rescuing him. And here she was doing it again.  
  
The feeling of weightlessness, it could have been called a dream, expect Shinji had been quite sure it was real. As real as he was now. And he was here, wherever 'here' was.  
  
Shinji was woken by the sound of the sea, the lapping of water against the sand. He could feel warmth against his face, but he couldn't open his eyes just yet. He wanted to wake up properly before he faced wherever he was.  
  
He was surprised he had woken up at all. The last thing he could remember was feeling the blood trickle down his face, the pain. And Misato's panicked screaming, crying his name. //Misato. Where are you now? Will I see you again?// he answered his own question. //Of course not. Your dead remember?//. It didn't come as much of a shock as he brought himself to the realization of this. Where could he be other than in death? Realistically, he couldn't be alive at all. Surely he'd be broken, nobody would live through what had happened to him.  
  
He had known he was dead anyway really, it just hadn't come to the front of his mind,. But now that it had, he was surprised to find he wasn't as devastated as he had imagined he'd be. Not that he'd imagined himself to be 'anything' once dead. The life he had left had been his life, but it had still ended up going from bad to worse. //My life sucked// he stated to himself in his mind. He made it real. "I must be dead" he slowly spoke out loud, as he opened his eyes.  
  
He found himself staring up at a sky. A strange sky, it seemed more purple than blue, without a cloud in sight. He didn't have to look around to know he was lying down. Strange. He was in his school uniform. //I was in my plugsuit when I was in my Eva.//. He didn't argue, his plugsuit would only be drenched in blood anyway.  
  
He looked over his feet, and saw the sea. Clear and perfect. The sun reflected down on it, making the surface dance with silver ripples. It was truly like a dream. He laid his head back again, and stared up at the purple sky, eyes half-closed in thought. //What am I meant to do now?//  
  
As if in answer something brushed gently against his hair. Shinji's eyes flew open in surprised, being brought out of his thoughts and grabbed automatically at whatever it was. He turned to his hand to find he was holding onto a pale skinny wrist. He looked up and found himself staring up into pale red eyes. "Kaworu??". It was then when Shinji located exactly where he was. His head had been resting in the other boy's lap the whole time and he hadn't even noticed. "Hey." Kaworu replied, smiling down at him.  
  
Shinji let go of his wrist and scrambled up onto his knees to face the other boy. Find a place on the sand next to him, Shinji gently rested his head on Kaworu's shoulder. He felt a blush appear on his cheeks, for not noticing that the other boy was there sooner. They sat for what felt like hours like this, not talking. Shinji smiled when his hand found Kaworu's.  
  
Finally Shinji broke the silence. "So..am I really dead?", he asked. He didn't even know if he was asking Kaworu this or himself, but it was Kaworu who answered him. "Yes. But I didn't imagine you'd be here so soon. It doesn't make you unhappy does it?" Kaworu asked. He turned to Shinji then, concern in his eyes as he scanned his face for any emotions. He didn't want Shinji to be unhappy. Shinji looked down at their fingers entwined. "No. Well, maybe a little." He turned to face Kaworu. " It was still my life, no matter how much I hated it. I suppose I'll miss everyone. Although, Misato and Rei are the only ones I could call friends in the end. Everyone else hated me. And Asuka hadn't woken up. I hated it there without you, I hate being without you anyway."  
  
Shinji smiled then, but he felt the familiar sting of tears. He wiped at his eyes, angry with himself for crying again. Kaworu smiled then again wrapped his arms around Shinji much like he did the last time they had seen each other, while Shinji tried to stifle his tears. Shinji slowly relaxed a bit, shoulders still shaking, as he looked up at the gray haired boy. "I'm really sorry, I'm not unhappy..its just all a bit of a shock.". "Of course it is, I understand that. I'm glad you're not upset, I'd hate for you to feel that way. And I did wait for you." Kaworu replied.  
  
Shinji smiled then, still a bit amazed that he'd found someone so caring in his life. He brought Kaworu into his own embrace then and smiled to himself. "Yeah, you did. I knew I would see you again anyway. I trust you that much." Shinji blushed furiously as he kissed Kaworu's cheek, and one hand came up to run through his soft gray hair, Kaworu smiled at the contact. Shinji felt his cheeks becoming even hotter when he said, "I love you." He had no doubt that Kaworu believed him, but he just felt like he had to keep on telling him. "I love you too. I always loved you. I won't stop."  
  
Shinji felt more comfortable then, but he looked up at his love, puzzled. "Does this mean we'll be here together? All the time?" Kaworu laughed. "Yeah koi. Forever." Shinji smiled back at him, a genuine smile. "I like the sound of that."  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------  
  
Rar, the end! *bows* I have no idea where it all came from. My mind thinks it up, then I write it down. I hope you all enjoyed it, even if only a tiny bit! 


End file.
